A jumble of emotions

I wish my life was a song. have they best parts repeat it self just like a chorus. I know everything is supossed to be for a reason and im trying hard to fight the negtivity and find the postive, but it is hard. MAybe if my boss wasn't such a jerk! i feel disconnected from everyone. I get along with everyone but i don't feel a connection. Yes this is jsut a jumble of emotions that mean nothing lol. But i don't think i am ment for love or anything else, but because i can't love my self. I had a ephiney the other day. I realized my last relationship did last because, well i can't comprehend how some one can care for me that much. I loe the way it feels but i don't feel good enough. Maybe that is why i have been disconnected laltely God just wants me to work on myself. I'm not sure but i feel like there is a reason I am all alone right now. HE just wants me to be alone and show how much he loves me and how wonderful i really am.  Im trying to take to it but its hard. I think that song is for me right now form God. Rob Thomas - Hard on you. I'm a mess but its weird how no one can tell. welll i guess i must do my homework so untill next time peace.

I will see

These feelings are familiar but i dont want the same thing as before.
I want to be comfortable and not put a lot into something in the end that might not work.
I don't want it to be like before when when all you wanted was a whore.
I want to be value able, and noted for more.
I may be a little weird at times but i want you to think that those things are what make me beautiful.
I won't put much thought it into this time or at least try as hard. I lea rned of nothing more, that you just let things go and hopefully they flow.
IF they don't then maybe he isn't the one,
IT was just a pun
.
so i wait patiently as i get older hoping not be alone for ever but not being despreate to end up with the wrong one in the end.

unanswered

what i know is not how i feel. Hoe can i describe this how can i know which is wrong and which is right. how can i not feel two faced feeling diffrent from whawt i know is wrong. How can i be ok anf know that i am loved and not alone. How can i be ok when people are always critizing? They say this place is not my hom and im only passing thorigu, but if eel like i am spending an enternity, for just passing through. I need somthing stable or sturdy to know that im alright i can get through these things. BUt i look around and i see no one to help me. i know you say count on God yet that fustrates me because i feel alone and that he can't even help. Even though i know he can. Could there be a demon inside of me? what kind of person rebels against the help of God? so many unanswered questions and wanting them to be solved.

yup

My anger towards you is making me push myself it is like revenge showing you i  will be somebody you could never be-meshia leray
 I am  a editor i am producer I am a Cinematographer.

A jumble of emotions

I wish my life was a song. have they best parts repeat it self just like a chorus. I know everything is supossed to be for a reason and im trying hard to fight the negtivity and find the postive, but it is hard. MAybe if my boss wasn't such a jerk! i feel disconnected from everyone. I get along with everyone but i don't feel a connection. Yes this is jsut a jumble of emotions that mean nothing lol. But i don't think i am ment for love or anything else, but because i can't love my self. I had a ephiney the other day. I realized my last relationship did last because, well i can't comprehend how some one can care for me that much. I loe the way it feels but i don't feel good enough. Maybe that is why i have been disconnected laltely God just wants me to work on myself. I'm not sure but i feel like there is a reason I am all alone right now. HE just wants me to be alone and show how much he loves me and how wonderful i really am.  Im trying to take to it but its hard. I think that song is for me right now form God. Rob Thomas - Hard on you. I'm a mess but its weird how no one can tell. welll i guess i must do my homework so untill next time peace.

Thursday, 9,2011

Ahh ok today in my general phscyology calss which i love! we watched a video on happiness and it made me happy. I totally understand that the common thing to making people happy is that we care. To make you self happy is to give. if everyone would just stop being selfish and start being selfiness. Just take you mind of yourself and start thinking about other people. somthing about giving just makes you feel better it is sort of like your giving back to the world, if you know what i mean. For christmas when you by you sister or brother a present don't you just wait for them to open it, to see there face expression?   The think i would try to live by is one reandom act of kindness =)
just thought i would share a little insight with you!



_____<3 RHYTHMS AND CHORDS <3_______

LEAVE YOU ALONE

GOODBYE, my love
I can't hide what has come i have to go, and leave you alone, but always know i love you so.
I love you so.
Goodbye brown eyes goodbye for now, take care of yourself.
O i love you so. distract me with your eyes, help me sleep tonight. 
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I have to go but i want  you know i love you so,



________________RHYTHM AND CHORDS_________________