Da struggle real girl

Sooo, today I had a good day. My morning bible study was amazing! It was ehat I needed to hear it told me how to.soften my heart and how peoples heart harden. Mines is mainly I densenstizedyself to things. So my new journey right now is too try and submerge myself in him! So.I can completely heal! My ex called and I stayed dignfied and a straight head. I would normal keep asking questions which I already know that answers to and hear his lies. Yea it hurt that he just wanted to know.how I found out about him getting back with his ex. So it made me be like he doesnt care, so.why try and have feeling for him. Also I texted his little little brother. I dont want him to.end up like his older brothers. So we are going to pray for eachother and im gonna help him stay on track and he I think will really help me. I know I should loose contact, because maybe I am just uing the little brother to hang in, but at the same time I want to help him stay with God. But if I dont as about the ex then whats the harm right....... Im not sure I will pray about it. Alright so back to summergeing myself. At night Im going to be studying lies young women believe.  Th e only problem I know I need to probally listening to secular music right now, but I love it so ill work on that. I mean its not bad but when your as weak as I am its better to be prepared. So I guess im off to do mynight studies.
ONE LOVE ONE WAY ONE GOD

The journey

Ok well since last night I found out about my ex cheating on me, :( and he was caught in the act by the girls boyfriend.  He then called his ex to back with her so it is clear he wants nothingbto do.with me. It is weird why I.wpuld keep chasing after him! I need help, a push in th e direcion of my fututre just to keep going and forget about him. I pray and pray to keep me busy so far it dosnt seem to be happening im not sure what direction im supposed to go I feel so alone.but I known these feeling and my heart breaks will go. Why would I wnt to.stay with someine who abused me cheated and lied to me and once raped me.  It is something I need to walk away from.  Ill look back snd see what was I thinking. But my focus is soley on him I constsntly think will he be happy in th e future and im scared he will find someone else and she will be th e greatest for him and il be forgotten if I couldnt changed him and make him happy I dont want anyone else to.and I knw tha is selfish but he was selfish he never loved me he just kept me so no one else could have me.  The struggle is real. I need prayers:( have tp go to work for now so peace. I just wanted to be a difference maker

Doing great:)

Oh yes! All though im still a couple steps behind, I can at least look for the good in.everything now, and know I am truely blessed. Its fustrating, how stubborn we can be as humans!! If we just open our ears and listen then we could hesr what God is telling us. I look forward in my sdventure and job search!! Ill keep it posted. I actually love having no followers on this site then I can be 100% real and not.have to filter myself. Its when you have to worry what people are going to thing and say is when thungs get hard.